Thanksgiving Day is a important day, in that day we will gather together for a big meal, and give gifts each other. Here are some suggestion of gifts.
Lets get down to it though, the only thing that matters for this holiday is the food. It’s all about the food and I am here today to rank that food worst to best and you may be surprised by my thoughts but I am right and you are wrong, also, Happy Thanksgiving!
Squash
Not even including a picture of cooked squash because it is stupid and should not be cooked. Down with squash! Down with squash!
Desserts
Thanksgiving is not about the desserts, I would be fine if we wrapped up and rolled into the car right after I take my last forkful of stuffing to the face. Go home desserts, your time comes in about a month.
Cranberries
There is always that one weirdo who just eats the cranberries by the spoonful, please stop, cranberries are gross and bitter and should not be eaten as a dish, they are a topping. And it is you fools who eat them alone that have pushed me to rank cranberries as one of the worst Thanksgiving dishes.
Sweet Potatoes
Sweet potatoes are okay, not too to bad but honestly I feel like a baby eating Gerber’s baby food, thus pushing them down on my list.
Turkey
“What! Turkey isn’t #1? blasphemy!” Okay everyone calm down, the turkey isn’t that good it’s just blah and has to be there because it has to be and you are not American if it is not on your table. I would have it last on the list but god bless my aunt who wakes up at 4 am to start cooking this baby and it comes out pretty good tasting to the me, the person who does not like turkey.
Mashed Potatoes
Mashed potatoes are in the running, they are good and perfect for soaping with gravy and butter and mask the blandness of turkey.
Oh my god I am all about the green beans, makes me forget about the fact that I am eating enough to feed 7 people. Green beans are good and healthy and the silver lining to the debauchery that is the Thanksgiving.
Stuffing
Winner Winner!!! Stuffing is the best thing that has ever happened to God’s green earth, its carbs and butter and spices and bread and goodness and love and harmony and world peace in a bowl and I will never love anything or anyone (besides my mom) more than stuffing. Wrap it up folks, stuffing wins and always will. And if you attend my wedding or funeral, stuffing will be served.
